Lessons learnt by a Fake Ajebutter Naija Boy in Paris

Don’t set a Naija girl loose on Champs Elysee with your credit card.
Don’t let a Naija girl choose the restaurant you go to in Paris.
Don’t say YES when a Naija girl asks “Won’t you buy it for me?”
Your ego has NINE lives. Your bank account doesn’t.
In fact if you no dey Naija-government-connected-level rich, don’t take a Naija girl to Paris.

Simi is The Only One.



A true Parisian doesn’t wait for the green light at the pedestrian crossing.
A true Parisian is too cool and too busy to waste time waiting for something as mundane as traffic lights.
If there’s no car moving your way, keep walking.
If there’s a car moving your way, keep walking.
I’m pretty medical insurance is costly in Paris, as a result drivers do not want to hit anyone.
You can see it in their eyes – “If these people want to die, they should jejelly wait till they go back to their villages.”

Did you hear the rumour that the French don’t speak English?
In Paris they do.
Some more fluently, some less.
However, if you do not understand any French, you might as well just hang around the tourist zones and hope for the best. They’ll only speak English if you speak French, but some Lost-in-Translation difficulties are encountered along the way.


If you live in a non-Euro spending country, do not convert into your currency while looking at prices.
Your heart will skip beats and your liver will want to fail.
Unless, of course, you’re Naija government-connected-level rich, in which case the number of zeroes after the Naira shouldn’t be a hindrance.


Don’t go to Paris with your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse if you have wandering eyes.
Or if your partner is a bit unattractive or/and jealous.
Paris is full of beautiful women of all the rainbow colours and ice cream flavours.
You will look. You will dream. You will cheat in your mind.
Unless you’re mentally stronger than yours sincerely.
Unless you already have a gorgeous human specimen at your side.


One thing you should certainly take from this list of advice is…make sure you see Paris at least twice in your life.
Once for pleasure.
Once for love.

If you’re lucky enough to do both at once, you’re luckier than many.

Bonne Année et Bonne Santé



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