Fake Naija Love 1.0

Some days back a Twitter trending topic took the world by storm. Although it was related to men from my motherland, lads and babes from all over the globe still put in their tuppence.

How influential we Nigerians are…

Everyone knows about us, and many have loved a Nigerian at some time in their life.

The topic, #WhatNigerianMenDidToMe, has allowed a lot of people share both hilarious and worrying stories about their experiences with Naija guys.

Many of these tales are love stories with sad endings.

Worst part of it – most of them do NOT surprise me. The others had me in stitches.

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“@ChiMo___: #WhatNigerianMenDidToMe expected me to be her … “

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This hashtag and tweets on Naija Twitter made me ponder the pros and cons (and the hurdles faced) of a relationship with Nigerians.

Since I moved to the EU upteen years ago, I’ve constantly found myself in the weirdest relationships. A couple of my Exes stated that I brought out the worst in women, seeing as they “behaved normally” (sic) in relationships with other guys (from other nations).

Most of my Exes hate me (and were quite often cray cray), so that feedback is obviously totally unreliable, right?

Right?

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For example – I’ve dated a suicidal girl (I still worry about that one), a lesbian (I got engaged to that one), a sociopath (who turned out to be married, and got her husband to try to kill me), a single mum (who proposed me pali in exchange for a mixed-race baby), a stalker (6 months post-breakup) etc.

2014 was a really weird year.

The number one question  has always been WHY? Why date females with behavioural traits that automatically cancel out the possibility of happiness? Q2 – Am I too Nigerian/African to build a happy loving relationship with a European?

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I found out today, on Nat Geo, that there’s a variant of a human gene named DRD4-7R – the adventure gene: “…is carried by roughly 20 percent of all humans, and is tied to curiosity and restlessness. Dozens of human studies have found that 7R makes people more likely to take risks; explore new places, ideas, foods, relationships, drugs, or sexual opportunities; and generally embrace movement, change, and adventure.”

Taking into consideration my bizarre love life (w/o looking at my TL or Wall), it’s obvious my 20’s were spent nurturing this gene.

Then I turned 30 and realised how totally empty my life is.

I travelled to Paris for my birthday and, while sitting and drinking alone under the Eiffel Tower, I made a promise to grow up, settle down, and fulfil my amazing destiny by 2015…but I wasn’t expecting all the personal and emotional disaster 2014 would bring. Somehow sha, one survived.

Towards the end of last year, I began following more Nigerians on Twitter and it became obvious why it most probably wouldn’t have worked out with the few Nigerian girls I’ve dated over the last few years.

Imagine that – relationships with Oyinbo gehls were cray cray, relationships with Naija babes were woh-woh.

You see, I met them on Twitter and…

TO BE CONTINUED

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