Fake Naija Love 2.0

…although at the beginning our Twitter convos were stimulating…vibrant…colourful, it was a completely different story when I finally met these ladies.

Good or bad, call it as you may, but one thing the human race can count on is with me – “what you see is what you get”. I’ve had Ex-side babes from the Cele church I attended in the 90’s (do NOT ask) proclaiming “Toks, you still haven’t change!”. Seriously speaking, I really don’t know what these gehls want me to change. #Flawless

Why are you so certain a different version of Fake Ajebutter wouldn’t be worse? But I digress…

My dilemma with Slavic females was how to stop attracting the crazy ones, my Naija problem turned out to be…eh…well…ghen ghen.

For some reason, the Twitter babes I met in 2012 pretty immediately took me for husband material. Either that or every Naija babe over the age of 21 can’t stop dreaming about donning a white dress and dancing Skelewu with her bobo after drinking bottles of Pink Lady and Hennessy.

This Naija marriage hunger is so deep that ONE month after we parted ways (she believed in chastity till marriage, I didn’t) one of them got engaged (wedding ceremony a half-year later…this life ehn).

I thought she was my side chick *, unknowingly I was HER side guy.

* Note – My best friend, Simi, says one can’t have side chicks if one hasn’t got a main chick.

Another lovely Nigerian lady began DMing me suggestions for names of our future kids…while I was still busy wondering how to convince her to send me nudes. We had yet to meet at the time.

What can I say, I like nude photography.

Long story short, over the years the dating game has served completely different dishes in different countries. I kept finding myself in the midst of Oyinbo babes who just wanted to have fun, but just a year in Nigeria and I was suddenly someone’s dream hubby. Women can be quite confusing, wouldn’t you say? They never know what they want (snigger).

Naturally, there are always exceptions to every rule. My Twitter TL is filled with  Naija ladies who are totally hedonist, while most of my Polish female friends are either married or in long-term relationships.

In 2014, I came to the conclusion that my Exes were right – my heart was filled with corruption on GEJ levels, and I would never find love if I kept going down that path. At Christmas I went to Notre Dame in Paris and prayed the prayer of a sinner…who kinda enjoyed his sins, but would like to be a better man.

Guess what happened on January 3rd!

I went on a date and the rest is history.

Christmas Day 2012 I told my mum I’m bringing home a wife in 2015, and I intend to keep my word.

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4 thoughts on “Fake Naija Love 2.0

  1. Haha Simi makes a good point, how can you have side chicks if there’s no main chick.
    Someone told me last night that wedding is the first word in a Nigerian’s vocabulary. Which made perfect sense considering how many times I hear about the topic.
    Good luck!

    Like

  2. Haha Simi makes a good point, how can you have side chicks if there’s no main chick.
    Someone told me last night that MARRIAGE is the first word in a Nigerian’s vocabulary. Which made perfect sense considering how many times I hear about the topic.
    Good luck!

    Like

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